Does your sister or sister-in-law need to be your maid of honour

A wedding is never just about the couple; a lot has to do with the people on the big day and their roles and responsibilities. Choosing who gets to do what can be stressful for some and exciting for others. The most important choice a bride makes, as far as who gets to stay right by her side is concerned, is picking her maid of honour (MOH). While the decision is entirely yours, the top contenders for the role would be your sister or your sister-in-law. Should you be choosing between them? We try to make things easier for you.

To begin with, it’s important to remember that there aren’t any rules set in stone that say your sister or sister-in-law has to be your maid of honour. Things could get messy if you have more than one person competing for the title (say, the bride’s sister or her brother, who wants his wife to be MOH, plus your husband’s sister as well). This tussle is the last thing you want. And while it’s all about respecting each other’s families, you’ll certainly want a trustworthy and reliable person as your maid of honour. So, you might want to be careful about brushing people the wrong way.

Do it because you want to, not because you have to 

You’re the bride, it’s your big day, and you’re going to remember how special the day was because of the choices you made and the things you did. This is why decisions should be based on how close and true your bond with your maid of honour is. And that could be anyone. After all, some bonds are closer than blood. If you choose your sister or sister-in-law, it should be because they have been your A1 since day one, not because of family pressure.

At the same time, it’s important not to leave them out completely, as you’d want to instill a sense of family and togetherness in the ceremonies. So, have them as bridesmaids to make them feel included. This will also come in handy if you have more than one sibling or many women who could be the maid of honour.

How close you/your partner are to them 

Do you remember the last time you spoke to your sister? Or do you even speak to her? If the answers are no, you’ve got your answer about whether they should be your MOH or not. Families and their dynamics are complicated, and sometimes, siblings do not get along or become distant. So, is there any point in giving them such an important role and responsibility? We think not. The same goes for your sister-in-law. You might not have even had the chance to interact with her if you and your partner have only been together for a few months and decided to tie the knot (team arranged marriage, assemble). Add to that, consider your partner’s rapport with this person. It’s important that you work together as a team and talk about the things that make you comfortable and uneasy.

Ask your sister/sister-in-law what they want 

Yes, it may be your wedding—a day that’s all about you, but you need to be on the same page with those who will be making the occasion a seamless affair. You might want to have your sister or sister-in-law as your MOH, but is it something they want to do? There’s a chance that they have a lot going on in their life, it’s a stressful time for them personally or professionally, and taking on MOH duties may not be the best thing for them right now.

How to tell them that they haven’t made the cut 

Instead of delivering bad news, turn the conversation into a positive one by telling them about the new role they’ll be taking on. Ensure that you have their best interests in mind and that you want them to have fun without overwhelming them. The key is to communicate and compromise. If it’s your sister-in-law (the sister of the groom), it’s best to have your spouse present during the conversation. The golden rule for tackling any wedding issue is that communication with family should come from the member of the couple whose family it is.

Lead image: Pexels

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