Wedded and uploaded: The new rules of saying ‘I do’ online

In the era of digital intimacy, the act of getting married no longer concludes with a kiss or a clink of champagne glasses. It culminates—often days later—with a grid post. Or a story. Or, for the especially committed, a drone-shot reel scored to Bon Iver. Wedding announcements, once sent through envelopes and phone calls, have migrated online, where they are equal parts celebration, performance and social choreography.

Couples today face a surprising number of questions: Should we do a soft launch or go cinematic? Do we owe a post to our LinkedIn network, or just our Instagram followers? And what happens when a distant cousin sees the carousel before receiving an invitation?

Manik Kaur, etiquette expert and mindful living coach, says, “As an etiquette coach rooted in mindful living, I believe that in this sea of filters, reels and FOMO, grace is the most powerful filter of all."

Here’s a guide to navigating your digital "I do" with thoughtfulness and elegance.

Ask yourself: Why are we posting?

According to Kaur, before the hashtag brainstorm or the Reel storyboard, take a mindful pause. Are you posting to share your joy, to express gratitude or to signal a new chapter? Or are you reacting to peer pressure and performance culture? Clarity on why can help you strike the right tone—heartfelt, not hyper.

In addition, platform matters. Instagram, of course, is the primary stage—a visual spectacle where the caption is editorial and the lighting editorialised. It’s where most couples will break the news—or at least confirm what was already suspected.

Facebook, though less fashionable, remains essential for relatives, high school teachers and people who use ellipses unironically. LinkedIn is not, unless your spouse is also your co-founder.

And then there are stories—Close Friends, in particular—offering a velvet-rope level of intimacy, a space where the content may be less manicured but the emotional stakes feel higher. Decide early how public your news will be, and with whom you’ll share what. Not everyone needs a front-row seat. Some may not need an invitation at all.

Respect chronology and real-life relationships

It’s poor form for close friends or family to discover your wedding online before hearing from you directly. Kaur says, “A personal message or call—even a short voice note—goes a long way in making people feel seen and valued. Social media should never be the first announcement for your inner circle.”

The impulse to post immediately after the ceremony is strong, but rushing can lead to social slips. Did everyone who was meant to be invited get the invite? Could your post inadvertently upset someone? A 24- to 48-hour grace window allows you to exhale, review, and release the news with intention.

Tone matters more than theme

Kaur asserts, “Whether you’re posting a soft-focus selfie or a cinematic drone-shot montage, what people remember is how it made them feel. A sincere post, with warmth and a note of gratitude, will always land better than curated perfection or performative irony.”

Earnestness risks sentimentality; irony can tip into detachment. The most resonant announcements strike a balance. Personal, not performative. Clear, but not over-explained. This isn’t an ad. It’s a memory.

Kaur adds, “It’s one thing to celebrate love; it’s another to turn your wedding into a content campaign. If your caption reads more like a PR release than a personal moment, it might be time to recalibrate. A little mystery can be elegant.”

Mind the comments, and your DMs

The post will be liked. It will be commented on. Some of the comments will be thoughtful; some will be emojis. Someone will probably say “Finally!” in a way that implies they knew better than you did.

Others will say nothing at all. That silence may be neutral, but it might also sting, especially from people you assumed would care. Try not to spiral. Everyone processes other people’s joy in their own time.

Still, it’s wise to budget time for emotional aftercare. A thank-you post—brief, gracious, non-exhaustive—can acknowledge the deluge. Then, put your phone down. You’ve made the announcement. You’re not responsible for curating the applause.

Kaur says, “Be prepared to moderate with kindness and boundaries. It’s okay to delete inappropriate comments or gently sidestep intrusive DMs.”

Less can be more

You don’t owe the internet a full album or play-by-play. One thoughtful carousel, or a simple note with a meaningful photo, can often say more than a dozen posts. Elegance lies in restraint.

As per Kaur, it is a sacred rite of passage. While there’s nothing wrong with sharing glimpses of your joy, always hold back a piece of the day that belongs just to you and your partner. Not everything sacred must be seen.

Lead Image: Pexels

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