Should you attend a friend’s wedding if you haven’t talked in over a year?

Making friends as adults is no easy feat—and it’s certainly not a new struggle. One quick scroll through social media and you will find countless anecdotes about why it is so difficult to socially connect with your peers. But you know what’s more difficult than making friends as an adult? Maintaining the friendships that started young.

You know what we mean, the good old days back in school and college when you had friends that felt like your lifeline. You spent almost every waking moment together—shopping, grabbing a bite, dealing with heartbreaks, and simply being there for each other. Cut to adulthood, when life got real and busy schedules took over. Of course, there were promises of catching up over the weekend or every other weekend, which made it easy to stay connected in the beginning. But weeks quickly faded into months and then years, and before you knew it, they became a cherished memory—someone that you used to know.

We’ve all got that someone (or a few someones) that we’ve drifted apart from. Of course, we still wish them well, but what do you do when, out of nowhere, you receive an invitation to their wedding? It is a tricky decision, no doubt, but before you rsvp with a lousy excuse, here are a few things that will help you decide if you should let bygones be bygones and show up, or simply move on and wish them well (from afar). Is it a chance to reconnect or is it just another social obligation that you can skip out on? We've broken it down for you.

Reconnecting with old friends

Weddings are nothing but mini-reunions in disguise. They're an opportunity for you to catch up with friends who were part of some of the best memories you've had growing up. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a story that starts with, “Remember back when…”. The nostalgia hits hard and a chance to rekindle that cherished bond is always a win!

Showing support

Sure, you haven’t been a part of their lives recently, but a wedding is a big deal—it's a once-in-a-lifetime moment (hopefully) and your presence might mean more to your friend than you realise. Sometimes, just showing up helps convey that you are truly happy for them.

Enjoying a good party

Cons of attending

Added expenses

As mentioned above, weddings are magical, but they sure don’t come cheap—especially if you’re just a guest and not officially a part of the wedding entourage. There’s the outfit (if you decide to make a glam appearance), the gift, and if it is a destination wedding, then the overall travel costs, which by the time you add it all up, will have you wondering if you’re attending a wedding or funding a small startup. Is it really worth it if you're hardly an acquaintance?

Dealing with the awkwardness

How to decide? 

Before you RSVP, take a moment to think about your relationship with them. Is this someone you truly care about and want to reconnect with, or are you saying yes just to avoid the guilt trip? Be honest—if your last conversation with them was over a year ago and about something arbitrary, it could simply be about the obligation rather than the connection. You should also reconsider your reasons for attending the wedding. Are you going because you’re genuinely excited to celebrate their big day, or is this simply your FOMO? Ultimately, the decision should come down to what feels right for you—genuine joy, not guilt, should lead the way.

The art of saying no

If you do decide to skip the wedding, you should do it with some grace. Saying no to a wedding invite doesn’t have to be awkward—but that doesn't mean you leave them hanging to make a lousy excuse. You could send them a heartfelt note, thanking them for the invite and expressing genuine happiness for their special day. It’s always better to be upfront about your reasons for not attending so skip the vague excuses and just be upfront about why you can’t make it. It’s better than to ghost them and leave them wondering what happened. And if you would still like to reconnect, you could always offer to catch up after their wedding, although this could be a tricky conversation, because in some cases, turning down a wedding invite can make them a little bitter. Moreover, your friend is about to begin a new chapter in their life and might not be available to simply hang out just yet.

Lead image credit: IMDb

Also read: How to exit a boring family gathering during the festive season

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