Love in the times of wedding planning

You start out dreaming of romantic rehearsals and gentle smiles across the mandap, but somewhere between food tastings and family WhatsApp debates about the colour of the napkins, you realise your “happily ever after” has become a logistical marathon and might need a shared Excel sheet. It’s been famously said that one of the real tests of love comes during the time you plan your wedding. And in India, where weddings are traditionally more of a family event than just a couple's affair, this phrase often rings true.

So whether you’re coordinating with your sister-in-law who insists on wearing the same colour as you during the mehendi, or dealing with his annoying cousins who won’t stop trying to steal the spotlight during sangeet practices, here’s a guide on how to keep your cool.

Remember you’re planning a marriage, too

It’s easy to get swept away by endless moodboards and designer lehenga options, but pause to ask yourself: what comes after? Your wedding is one day; your marriage is a lifetime. Instead of only talking about vendors and budgets, talk about your shared dreams: the home you want to build, how you’ll handle differences, and what your non-negotiables are. This grounding helps you see wedding planning for what it truly is: a reflection of how you’ll handle life together. If you can navigate one mini-crisis over the seating chart, you’ll be better prepared for the real-world challenges that lie ahead.

Be an individual, yet stay involved

Every relationship has one planner and one “please don’t make me pick between ivory and ecru” partner. That’s fine. However, the key is to divide tasks based on interest and skill, rather than gender or habit. If your fiancé loves music, let him handle the sangeet playlist. If you’re the décor queen, take that lead. But check in with each other regularly. Staying involved makes both partners feel heard and ensures one person doesn’t carry the mental load.

Protect your relationship

Every couple planning a wedding gets unsolicited advice. From colour palettes to menu items to the size of your guest list, some of it is well-intentioned, but some is chatter. And yes, it can leave you both feeling overwhelmed. Learn to draw a firm but polite boundary around your relationship. You don’t have to justify every choice. Decide together what matters to both of you, not your aunt in London, or your college group who insists you “need” a forty-song sangeet.

Focus on the little things

Even the most organised couples can struggle to keep their spark amidst the logistics. But love lives in the smallest gestures, not the grand ones. Text each other flirty messages during work. Plan a spontaneous coffee date in the middle of venue scouting. Cancel all plans and just watch a movie together and order in your favourite pizza. Tiny rituals of connection keep the magic alive.

Manage stress together

Wedding stress is inevitable—guest cancellations, budget overruns, family politics, you name it. But what matters is how you navigate it together. Instead of placing blame: “I gave you one job–to call the caterer!”, try reframing it into a solution: “Okay, how can we fix this?” Take turns being the calm one when the other spirals. Balance is everything, but remember that both of you need reassurance. If things get heated: Step away, and return to the issue later when you’re calmer. Arguments are temporary, but kindness should be constant.

Make every milestone a memory

You’ll have dozens of mini milestones before your big day: finalising the venue, tasting the menu, choosing your outfits. Don’t rush through them. Mark them with intention. After you pick your wedding cake, go for dessert together. When you finalise your invitations, open a bottle of champagne. These small celebrations make the process feel magical instead of mechanical.

Keep it private

Social media can turn wedding planning into a performance, from proposal videos to pre-wedding shoots. But the best parts of your relationship are the ones no one else sees. Share selectively. Let some memories be just yours. Protect your sacred space from the glare of Instagram.

Revisit your love story

When the stress peaks, take a moment to revisit all the special moments that led up to this day. Scroll through old texts. Recreate your first date. Share inside jokes. It’s a sweet reminder that the two of you are the heart of this celebration. Think of rituals you’ll carry forward—Sunday morning coffee walks, handwritten notes on anniversaries, date nights every month. They act like emotional anchors in a busy world.

Pro tip: Schedule “no-wedding-talk” evenings once a week. No spreadsheets, no emails—just dinner, music, and conversation about anything else.

The stress, the opinions, the pressure to please can all crowd out the intimacy that brought you both here in the first place. But it doesn’t have to. Think of this time not as an obstacle, but as an opportunity to deepen your connection, because for the most part, both families really are genuinely celebrating your union, and just want to either be a part of it, or help you plan. As for the “well-wishers” who are actually anything but? Remember to keep those with good intentions close and tune out the noise of the others. Keep your hearts aligned—and the romance intact—whilst you plan your big day! 

Lead image: Kiara Advani/Instagram 

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