Love makes the world go round: Swara Bhasker and Fahad Ahmad on their definition of love

In conversation with Brides Today, actor Swara Bhasker and state president, Samajwadi Yuvjan Sabha, Fahad Ahmad let us in on their journey of becoming friends to partners, what drew them to each other, their wedding, and the secret to a healthy relationship. 

On Swara Bhasker: Upcycled Multi Patchwork Red Ombré Lehenga, price upon request, and Upcycled Multi Patchwork Peplum Jacket with Bralette, both Varun Bahl. Nooran Polki Set, price upon request, Panchsheel Jewellers. Gold Jadau Paunchi Bracelet, price upon request, Amrapali Jewels. On Fahad: Cream Three Dimensional Floral Sherwani Set, price upon request, Seema Gujral. 

Brides Today: Let’s start from the beginning: how did you meet each other?

Swara Bhasker: “We met on the 19th of December 2019, at a CNRC (The Citizenship Amendment Act) protest. Fahad [Ahmed] was one of the organisers, and I was one of the speakers at the protest. I remember he had gotten my number from a common friend—an activist—and asked if I’d be willing to give a speech. I was a little apprehensive, but told him that I’d definitely come. But he insisted that I give a speech.
On the day, I arrived late, and made my way to the stage. I saw someone fixing the mic, and didn’t know who he was...and moments later, he introduced himself as Fahad. Interestingly, that was our first photograph together—of me speaking and Fahad fixing the mic. And then we kept meeting during other protests...”

Fahad Ahmad: “I remember for the protest in Mumbai, where Swara was meant to speak, I asked for her photograph so that we could announce her as one of the speakers. When I reached out to her, it didn’t strike me that she was a celebrity! She sent an extremely stylish photograph of herself in a sari—a ‘headshot’...I didn’t even know what a headshot was at that time!”

BT: How did your relationship blossom after that first meeting?

SB: “We started talking a lot after we first met. He invited me for a couple of other protests too, and we became really good friends over time. We used to talk about ideological issues, and I was very interested in his views. During one of our conversations, we discussed an idea of organising a cultural event...Something that could unify people. That’s how we came up with the idea of ‘India My Valentine’, for which we collaborated with people in six cities across the country—I was handling the Delhi and Mumbai leg for the same. And while we were organising these events, I noticed that Fahad was so straightforward, so candid...He didn’t have a chip on his shoulder. He seemed like a very reliable person—if he said he would do something, then he would.”

FA: “I like to say what I feel. And the first advice I gave Swara was about a certain someone who I thought might try to leverage her ‘celebrity status’...”

SB: “I think it was a great moment in our relationship...It made me realise he is very dependable.”

BT: When did you realise that you were meant to be together?

SB: “What I love about our relationship is that we became friends first. For some reason, I always trusted him. He never did anything that felt like he was trying to, as he mentioned, leverage my ‘celebrity status’. I felt like he was interested in me for who I am. I remember we came up with a ritual—well it wasn’t intentional, but it felt like one over time—where every time something bad happened in the country, we’d call each other or meet if I was in Mumbai and discuss the state of affairs. Eventually, we even started discussing each other’s love lives. But in September 2022, I had a small surgery—not cosmetic—and I had to be on bed rest for two weeks. I told him about it, and his response made me feel seen. He didn’t judge, and that allowed me to share some personal, intimate details about my life, with him. He used to check on me twice a day during that time, and I was very touched by his concern.”

FA: “That was when we began talking for hours...”

SB: “When my best friend noticed this, she was like, ‘This guy is falling in love with you, and if you have no intention of being with him then you are just leading him on.’ That forced us to have our first serious conversation to understand why we couldn’t stop talking to each other.”

FA: “I was extremely fond of her..I still am, of course, and felt that if we got married, we’d be great together. She is the only person who knows everything about me. But I didn’t want to ruin our beautiful friendship, so I didn’t say anything to her”

SB: “But when we did have that conversation, he was so upfront. I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no either. I was very hesitant at first... Fahad is younger than me, we come from very different worlds, it’s not just the religion...in every other way, too. I feel like we have broken every social construct by marrying each other.”

BT: Was it tough, breaking these social constructs?

SB: “I think it has been a very humbling process for me, because I used to think that, ‘Oh, I don’t care about what people think’, but my greatest fear was, what will my family say? Or what will my friends say? And while I was battling these thoughts, I happened to go to the US at that time. I have family there...an American uncle. And Americans don’t care about any of these social constructs—it is a very self-made society. And they value the individual. I think my conversations with my uncle helped me, because I was explaining to him all the reasons why I am not thinking about Fahad as a potential partner, and he asked me, ‘If Fahad came from a different background, a different world, where all he had all the social markers that would make it acceptable in your world, would you consider him?. And without thinking I said, ‘But that wouldn’t be Fahad. I don’t want to change anything about him.’. After that, everything moved really fast. I was very clear that I didn’t want to aimlessly date people.”

FA: “And because our conversation had already been framed in the context of marriage, we knew it was always on the table, and we felt that we could commit to each other. We had so much trust and faith in each other.”

On Swara: Maya Heavenly Pink Paisley Bridal Lehenga Set, ₹4,75,000, Dolly J. Traditional Polki Necklace Set, and Traditional Polki Maang tikka, both price upon request, both Khanna Jewellers. Gold Jadau and Temple-style Bangles, price upon request, Amrapali Jewels. On Fahad: Beige Embellished Sherwani Set, price upon request, Abhinav Mishra.

BT: Fahad, tell us what you love about Swara... 

FA: “She has this wonderful, non-judgmental attitude towards everyone. And this allowed me to share my innermost feelings with her. She is extremely supportive, and she gave me that safe space that I was craving.”

BT: What is your definition of love?

SB: “Earlier, I equated love with chemistry to a certain degree...And, of course, that’s important. But now, for me, commitment is the greatest act of love. Fahad and I are just two people trying to navigate life and we will face the same challenges that every couple does. Life is very long, we don’t know what’s going to happen, but, hopefully, we’ll be able to hold each other’s hand and get through it...Even in the tough moments. 
I am very realistic. I don’t have any delusions about some ‘grand love’. I think love is something you need to work on on an everyday basis. It’s something that you invest in on an everyday basis, and it’s hard, and it takes time. But I am willing to give it time, and that’s my way of showing commitment—I am willing to put in that time and effort. And I think it will figure it out.”

BT: What do you think is the secret to making a relationship work?

SB: “I don’t want to give advice because our relationship is very new. But I think what enabled us to be together was that we accepted that we come from different worlds. In India, love comes with a lot of societal pressure. Young couples in India have to battle caste, class, religion... But if you love each other, then fight the fear.”

FA: “Yes, we need to acknowledge that we are two different people, and we come from different backgrounds, and that we have different lived experiences. I would say don’t change who you are fundamentally, but it is okay to step out of your comfort zone. That’s how you learn.”