While the institution of marriage remains deeply rooted in tradition, the journey to get there doesn't need to be. In today's day, traditional matchmaking is adopting a more personalised, contemporary approach, that involves putting in the time and effort to get to know one another, along with gauging each others expectations, value systems, and life goals.
"The past few decades have witnessed a paradigm shift with respect to traditional matchmaking, as more men and women are opting to give the process a shot," explains Anuradha Gupta, Founder & CEO of Vows for Eternity.
However, a bunch of millennials continue to hold a skewed perception of the matchmaking process—and are skeptical about its probable outcome. So, before diving into the complex process to find your potential soulmate, here are a few things a professional matchmaker wants you to know:
Are YOU Ready?
Marriage is a commitment, for life. Hence, before stepping into this new phase, ask yourself if you're ready to commit—both your time as well as your emotional self—to the process. Also, bear in mind that your decision impacts not only you, but those closely connected to you as well. "What are your reasons for wanting to get married?", "Is it peer pressure or the age factor?", ask yourself such challenging questions. In the end, it's not about the right age or stage of life, it's about it being the right time.
Are You Ready to Commit, Forever?
Commitment came easily to our ancestors as times were simpler back then. Today, one realises that many of those relationships weren't necessarily more successful, but just more difficult to walk out of. However, getting married is so much more than “I do”, it involves companionship—coupled with a strong desire to set up a family together. Thereby, it is of utmost importance that you get to know your potential partner before you think of committing. This will help establish a stronger bond between the two of you, one that begins with friendship and develops into a deeper relationship, with love and respect for each other’s choices.
Checklist vs. What Really Matters
In arranged introductions, we tend to be lured by appearances, and are easily influenced by what our friends see as qualities in a partner. People often maintain a checklist of preferences that include variables such as height, attractiveness, and socio-economic status topping the list. However, a relationship is so much more! It's an equal partnership, with chemistry and sharing of similar values. "I often ask my clients to understand who they really are, and figure out what it is that they are looking for, before seeking their soulmate," informs Anuradha.
Setting Priorities Right
Today, both men and women are prioritising their education and career over marriage. Over a period of time—and in more ways than one—one's career begins defining who they are. And, one may become guilty of getting too caught up in the frills that financial independence and a successful career bring. However, when looking for 'the one', people are required to reset their priorities from 'me' to 'us'. And while it may sound like a cake walk, it isn't. The longer one has been leading an independent life, the tougher it is to prioritise 'us'. So, make sure you are ready to embrace this change!
It's unrealistic to expect someone to seamlessly fit into your life, like the missing piece of the puzzle. "Relationships come with upheaval, drama, romance and so much more. Be ready to ride the wave and don’t be afraid to fall off the surfboard once in a while," suggests Anuradha.
Going Beyond Biodatas
Marriage is about binding two people together in matrimony, and no biodata can do that for you. While someone may appear to be perfect on paper, are you certain they will be perfect for you in life? Choose a matchmaker who understands this and does not make a suggestion based on what’s written on a piece of paper. It takes time and effort to understand what someone is looking for in a marriage, and a good matchmaker must go the extra mile to get to know you, your family background and upbringing, before making any recommendations.
Rule 101: The Matchmaking Guide
Matchmaking can be tricky if you end up with a professional who doesn't understand that this is a business that must place its clients first. It’s important for you to research, read up on the service, check on the team, understand how the process works, and most importantly, choose someone that gets you. After all, the matchmaker will become your confidante through this personal process.
Ask the Right Questions and Be Honest About Your Expectations
Remember, you don’t need to hesitate when voicing your opinion. "Open communication is the best way to get started on this journey. If you have questions or concerns, speak up before it's too late. Help the matchmaker understand you, your needs and desires, so that your potential partner meets your expectations, as far as possible," advocates Anuradha.
Don't Be Afraid to Wear Your Weaknesses
Acknowledge and accept what has not worked for you in the past. It's not easy to put yourself out there and interact with someone new, so make sure that you know that the other person may be feeling exactly the same way! Be ready to give any match a chance. Who knows, you may end up surprising yourself.
In the End, It's All About Building Relationships
While this process may not end up working for a lot of people, you may end up making some friends or acquaintances along the way. From memorable experiences to embarrassing, awkward moments, you will live to tell the tale for years to come! Don't go into the process with an overly serious mindset, enjoy it and fingers crossed, your match is just waiting to be found.
'Cause your loved ones deserve a spotlight, too.
‘Tis the season for rich emeralds, plums, midnight blues, and more.