5 queer couples share what it means to be married or in a committed relationship

In a heart-warming feature, Brides Today turns the spotlight on queer couples, who, despite all odds, live life on their own terms.

SHILPA AND COLE NANDWANI 

Assistant principal (operations) and assistant principal (STEM) at an elementary school, respectively 

“For us, love means revolution. The act of offering and receiving love—especially queer love—is a revolutionary act because we are constantly seeking to rewrite the narrative. We aren’t afraid of being ourselves, and connect with each other on a deeper level. Cole and I choose each other and our relationship each day, and that means we get to create the rules on how we can run our home and disrupt patriarchal norms. We are radical in how we perceive marriage, which is why our definition of the same is dynamic. There are things that Cole is better at than I am, but we are both capable of taking care of each other... 

Our marriage breaks norms and stereotypes, especially because ours is the only queer relationship from my side of the family... It allows both of us to shine individually and together. However, it hasn’t been easy and has taken us a lot to reach where we are. Cole and I met in 2015, at a middle school in Brooklyn, New York City. I noticed them during the interview process and we soon found ourselves sitting near each other at work—stealing glances, and sharing music over chats. A lot changed during the pandemic: we were busy trying to navigate our lives as queer individuals in a state that is the most threatening to the queer community...but we found love and support. And that will always outweigh everything we have been through. 

Marriage, to us, means we get to share our love not just with one another, but with everyone. The wedding ceremony was an opportunity to bring our loved ones together and celebrate what it truly means to be a part of the community. When we look back at our wedding day, we are often in disbelief at the support we received from our family and friends. The disbelief existed because, initially, my family wasn’t accepting of my relationship with Cole. But, over the years, all that changed. This growth and journey that we now call marriage is a true gift and serves as a reminder that if you truly love someone and are good for one another, you don’t need to let anyone tell you otherwise.” 

ANUJA PARIKH AND RUPA SENGUPTA 

Founders, The Modern Tail 

“For most queer individuals, coming out feels like nearing doomsday. However, Rupa and I are fortunate to have families that love and accept us, and their only advice for us has been to stay safe and be happy. Love means trusting one another, taking accountability for one’s actions, and ensuring that through disagreements, you search for a way to work things out. At the end of the day, love is a feeling we call home. For Rupa and me, I don’t think there was a defining moment where we realised we had found ‘the one’. Rather, we have worked very hard on our relationship—to unlearn old habits, form new ones, learn from each other, and communicate in better ways... And that journey made us realise that we are perfect together. We make it a point to remind one another that we are a team and that no matter what happens, we will always respect each other. Being committed also means that we are friends first, and that we go beyond just being life partners or wives.

When we decided to take the plunge, we knew just how misogynistic the rituals can be. So, we researched and took out time to learn more about the various ceremonial traditions in Hindu marriages. We even sat down with a female priest to deconstruct the entire wedding ceremony. It began by not performing the kanyadan and pheras and, instead, we chose to keep the Ganesh Puja, Nav Graha Puja, and the Saptapadi Puja, which is symbolic of binding two souls together. And that is what marriage truly means to us...it is the promise to always be by each other’s side through everything life sends our way.” 

DANIEL BAUER AND TYRONE BRAGANZA BAUER

Celebrity make-up artist and managing director, Diversity Solutions India, respectively 

It was love at first sight at a club in 2013, where they exchanged drinks and glances... Fast forward to today—every day for Daniel and Tyrone is an expression of commitment. A love like theirs, the couple reveals, is one built with time, effort, and sincerity. “We share fun times and the problems, too”, Tyrone tells Brides Today. “It’s always important to understand where your partner is coming from, for that will help make the relationship work.” Marriage was a big step for the couple, but even early on in the relationship, Tyrone knew in his heart that he wanted it to work out. “I found Daniel to be kind and loving. He always made me feel better when I was down, and I wanted him to be ‘the one’.” For Daniel, it was the distance that made his heart grow fonder: “It took me a while to realise that Tyrone was ‘the one’. I kept assuming that it wouldn’t work out and kept making excuses for not entering a serious relationship. However, when Tyrone left to go back to ship for work, I realised that I missed him so much...and I wanted to share and spend my life with him.” Finding their way back to each other, love blossomed to its most beautiful heights. And their definition of love evolved, too. For Daniel, “Love is accepting and loving the person for who they are”, while Tyrone believes in “making a relationship work, no matter what.”