What to do if you are feeling underwhelmed by your partner's effort on Valentine's Day

Some people may feel that Valentine’s Day is just another day, while others love and celebrate it with their whole heart. If you're filled with romantic expectations on this special day, influenced by grand (and fictional) tales of love, it's natural to have certain expectations. However, everyone comes with a different set of experiences and preferences that shape the behaviour and if your partner doesn’t behave in a way that meets your expectations, it is common to feel disappointed. Disappointments are inevitable in relationships, but how you handle these often ends up determining how content you will feel with your partner.

If deep down you expect your partner to do a lot more for Valentine’s Day, here’s how you can manage your expectations around the efforts your partner puts in on special days like Valentine's Day.

Assess your expectations

Most people would agree that grand gestures make them feel great. However, there is a difference between accepting them and demanding them on Valentine’s Day. If your partner took you out on a date, but you expected something extravagant, maybe think about your expectations and how not having them met makes you feel. Maybe you feel you are not loved enough, and if that is the case, introspect why it makes you feel that way. Also, it would be only fair to hold yourself to the same standard.

Make your expectations known

Another important thing is communicating your expectations. Many people tend to assume that some things are obvious and their partners should just know what to do. However, nothing is obvious. If you like celebrations to be grand, spell it out for your partner.

Meet your partner mid-way

Letting your partner know about your expectations is just the first step to avoiding disappointments. The next step is being open to negotiation. Your partner should not feel compelled to do things because you seek a certain level of grandiosity. If your partner hates corny things and you thrive on these displays of affection, meet mid-way. If you’re already feeling disappointed, keep this in mind for next time and communicate about expectations now.

Avoid comparisons

There will always be couples around you or on social media who may seem to have it all. You will see people flaunt how their partners surprised them and how they treated them like a queen! But remember (especially when you’re feeling disappointed and not special enough), because your partner didn’t book an impromptu staycation for Valentine’s, it does not mean they don't love you. 

Focus on gratitude

Disappointments hit hard, prompting you to feel negative about someone you truly love. At such a time, it’s better to focus on being grateful for all the things they do for you. Maybe they didn’t surprise you with a bunch of 50 roses, a teddy, and limo pick-up, but hey, do they check up on you every day to make sure you’ve eaten? Do they listen to you rant when work anxiety hits you? Is there anyone in the world whose hug you’d seek when you cry? Don’t let disappointments shift your perspective.

Be mindful of the fact that it’s okay to manage your expectations by communicating and negotiating them when it comes to gestures. In the end, know that nobody can meet all your expectations. Don’t be afraid of disappointment as they do not define your love for each other. But in the more meaningful and mundane aspects of life, do not settle for the bare minimum like making time for you, prioritising you, being vulnerable with you, and putting in the effort to fulfil your needs.

Also read: Harmful communication patterns to avoid in a fight with your partner

Also read: How gratitude can build your marriage