Things to discuss before getting into an arranged marriage

One luxury that arranged marriages rarely offer, is time. In many cases, the involvement of families creates a sense of pressure on the young couple, compelling them to have conversations that are rather mechanical or too comfortable to be true. The perfect meet-cute, sharing compatible goals and having fondness for the same cuisine is sometimes not enough to ensure a happy marriage. Even though it isn’t possible to know the unexpected curveballs life may throw at you, you can at least make sure your relationship is strong enough to work through them.

The only way one can ensure transparency is through honest (and uncomfortable) conversations that we’d urge every couple to have before getting married. Read on to find questions to discuss with your partner to understand them better before tying the knot.

Do you think you’re ready for marriage?

First things first, ask your partner if they think they are ready for a lifelong commitment, if they are financially stable to sustain themselves, and if they are mentally prepared to prioritise a marriage.

What are your financial goals/ ambitions?

One of the most important factors in a marriage (after love, of course) is money. Knowing someone’s financial layout, division, and vision is important to know if their ideas of saving, splurging, and debt are compatible with yours. Initiate a conversation about how you would want to divide the household expenses, if you would want to have separate or merged accounts, and if they have any gender-based financial expectations.

How do we treat our in-laws and ensure they share a good relationship

In India, people don’t get married to each other but the entire family. It is important to understand your partner’s relationship with their family and how they would deal with challenges in case of any conflict between the two families. Many people struggle to priorities between their family and their partners, making it important to be cognizant of how they plan to make a choice or if they would be okay seeking help from a counsellor.

How important is physical intimacy to you and what are your expectations on sex?

As daunting as it may be for some people to discuss sexual compatibility, it is extremely essential to know what your partner expects in bed. People have varying experiences with intimacy which molds their preferences, and it is imperative to understand if you’re comfortable with them. Talk to them about their will to experiment with intimacy and how to have an open conversation with them about your wish to explore.

Do you want kids? How would you react if we struggle conceiving it naturally?

Most modern arrange marriages witness a discussion about children before getting married. However, we urge the couple to have a broader conversation and touch upon all the possibilities. Having trouble conceiving, parenting styles, considering adoption and so on. 

What is your take on infidelity?

The definition of infidelity is subjective and even though it is intimidating to discuss this before getting married, you won’t regret it. Try to honestly explore what your partner thinks about it, if they believe in emotional or physical infidelity, and if it would be a deal breaker in the relationship.