Is it normal to fight before your wedding?

Yes, but don’t forget how much you love your partner.

Stress often leads to increased conflict, especially on the day before a wedding, which carries significant emotional and practical weight. It's common for couples to argue due to the physical, mental, emotional, and financial pressures they face during this time, and it is absolutely normal.

Why is it normal to fight before the wedding  

Even if you’ve planned your wedding to the last detail, hired planners, and got members of the family to do the needful, there's a chance there will be a gap between planning and execution, and it can be incredibly stressful, and partners can end up arguing. 

Another reason for getting worked up during wedding is when your expectations are not met (and it's absolutely common). You could be feeling completely different from your partner in the build-up to the big day due to your expectations and this gap can also result in an emotional outburst. 

It’s also natural to be scared of the change coming your way as your life isn’t going to be the same after you say ‘I do’ or take seven circles around the holy fire. One can feel anxious about what lies ahead—even if they’re getting married to the love of their life. The committment can come with a significant amount of stress. And this fear of change can contribute to having arguments. 

What you could be fighting about

Differing financial strentghts often spark arguments during wedding planning. To avoid conflict, establish a reasonable budget with your spouse and other contributors, and compromise on financial decisions. Sometimes, family traditions can also lead to disagreements, especially when feeling pressured to comply with in-laws' expectations. Communicate openly with both families about your wedding vision and set boundaries respectfully. Remember, marrying into a family means respecting their dynamics while asserting your preferences.

How to avoid fights before your wedding

Communicate at every point

Communication is important for your marriage to work and last. You won’t find a better day than the one before your wedding to put action into words. Having open communication with your to-be spouse will play a crucial role in resolving conflict and preventing any form of resentment from building up. Disagreements at the wedding are bound to happen, but both partners need to create a safe space where they can express what they’re feeling without feeling judged by the other. A great way to prioritise constant communication with them is to check in with them regularly.

Remember why you’re getting married 

Should you feel stressed, overwhelmed, and irritated with your partner on your wedding day or a day before it, it’s important to remember why you’re getting married in the first place. When such arguments arise, ask yourself how this will impact you and your partner in the long-term. The perspective that you get is sure to help. What’s also important to remember is that most of these conflicts are solvable when one takes a cool and calm approach. You look at what’s most important to you—getting married and the person you’re getting married to. Other things may be important, but not as important as this. 

Inputs by Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, Sir H N Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai