How to handle conflicts with your fiancé

There are healthy ways to go about it.

If it were up to us, we would never ever have a fight with our partners. Life would be made of only moments of love, peace, and joy. But that’s not how human connections work. Both similarities and differences in our personalities, expectations, and perspectives bring on arguments and conflicts with our partners. 

It’s not like we are not aware of the fact that communication is key; if anything it’s all over the Internet and almost everyone around us has this one advice to give. Even then, when we are emotionally charged, all the knowledge about healthy communication goes out of the window. 

When you are engaged to marry, you feel like the stakes are even higher. You know this is a precious bond and don’t want it to get messed up. You also end up stressing more by perceiving your fights as potential issues that can blow up in the future.

Don’t fret so much, days leading up to the wedding can be stressful for a couple and it’s okay to fight. Here are tips to handle these with grace and emotional intelligence. 

Cut them some slack

You have a certain image of what your perfect life partner would be like. But expecting to get one, with all the qualities you want and without all the traits you absolutely detest, is delusional. They are not custom-made and will not always meet your expectations, but it’s okay. Learn to love their imperfections and sometimes, cut them some slack. 

Understand the difference between just fights and actual red flags 

It’s okay to be nervous during the courtship period, especially when you have been having a lot of fights. You may start wondering if all of this is one big bloody red flag. Not saying it can’t be, but here, reflect on things and really see, if you’re just overwhelmed or you’d better run. As long as you know you both have the ability to resolve conflicts, you both will be fine! 

Establish ground rules

Fights can often get ugly and trigger both partners in different ways. It’s important to establish ground rules; for instance, not using derogatory comments or raising one’s voice during a heated discussion. Talk about the ground rules you both want to include and consider it the holy book of relationships. 

Communicate your healing style

Irrespective of how a conflict concluded, just an apology is not enough. Both your feelings were hurt and there was a strain on your relationship. It’s important to heal together. Communicate what makes you feel whole again, be it words of affirmation or physical affection. Once your feelings are actually healed, you will be able to start being loving again. 

Don’t punish your partner

Sometimes, when we feel wronged, we tend to subconsciously start punishing our partners by withdrawing affection or through rebellion. Love knows no vengeance. For a healthy relationship, learn to let go, to resolve a conflict, and to bounce back without spending excessive time brooding.