How to deal with overbearing mothers-in-law who want to run your wedding, your home, and maybe even your marriage

The mother-in-law stereotype—thanks in part to soap operas—remains alive and well. You know the type: well-meaning but slightly overbearing, offering unsolicited opinions on everything from your wedding plans to your kitchen decor, with the occasional (and often unwelcome) relationship advice. For newlyweds, this can be especially frustrating.

Of course, you’re told, “It’s a new home, a new environment—you’ll adjust over time.” And while that may be true, some newlyweds end up tolerating overstepped boundaries for so long that by the time they realise the need to speak up, the dynamics are already set, and the damage is already done.

Be it wedding planning, settling into married life, or simply trying to keep the peace, dealing with an overinvolved MIL can feel overwhelming. And if you can relate to this, don’t worry—there are ways to navigate these tricky moments with grace, and minus the intense family drama. 

Planning a wedding is stressful—there’s no other way to put it. But throw in a mother-in-law who’s trying to take the reins and it’s a whole new level of chaos. From offering to redesign your venue to suggesting a bridal look that’s more her style than yours, MILs can sometimes forget that it’s your big day and not hers. The trick here is setting boundaries early, in a way that’s firm but also polite. You could gently turn her ideas down by stating that you want the day to reflect your and your groom’s preferences, which is why you chose a certain element. If she continues to push, don’t be afraid to pull out the big guns: a wedding planner or a neutral third party to buffer any tension.

And remember that it is okay to enforce non-negotiables. Maybe you’re dead set on having a small, intimate wedding or certain rituals—be confident in your choices and let her know. It’s your day, after all.

Keeping your space yours

Once the wedding is over, the fun doesn’t stop. Enter the housewarming advice—and we’re not talking about just recommending where to put a plant. Suddenly, you find your MIL suggesting that your sofa needs rearranging or offering unsolicited tips on cooking and cleaning routines. While it’s lovely to have someone care and offer a few suggestions once in a while, constant comments on your space and lifestyle can get a bit much.

Be respectful and let her know that you appreciate the advice, but this is your space and you prefer to keep things the way they are. Be sure to loop in your partner so you have a united front in maintaining your independence, or it might come across as disrespectful, dismissive, or one-sided. Encourage your partner to communicate openly with her as well, so it’s clear that these decisions are mutual, not just yours alone.

Stop the marriage meddling 

An overinvolved MIL trying to steer your marriage is a challenge no one signs up for. Whether it’s parenting advice or financial opinions, these moments can test your patience. When she weighs in on your relationship, gently remind her that you and your partner make decisions together. If she compares your choices to her own, resist the urge to roll your eyes and reply with a polite but firm, “We’re doing things our own way, but thanks for the input!” You don’t need to be rude—just assertive. Setting boundaries early will help prevent future tension, and there’s no need to feel guilty for maintaining independence in your marriage. After all, a strong relationship doesn’t need outside interference.

Make sure your partner is on the same page

If your partner isn’t aligned with you, setting boundaries with your MIL can feel like an uphill battle. A heart-to-heart is essential if they aren’t stepping in when she oversteps. Together, clarify the kind of relationship you both want with her—whether it’s setting limits on visits or defining what topics are off-limits. You can’t navigate this alone; your partner’s support is crucial. They should be the one to step in when necessary, especially when handling difficult conversations with their mum. If they struggle to set boundaries, gently remind them that you've married them, not her. Be patient but firm in reinforcing the importance of maintaining your independence as a couple.

Know when to stand firm and when to compromise

Here’s the thing: not every situation needs to be a battle. It’s important to understand the difference between genuine overreach and the simple desire to uphold traditions or cultural practices. Sometimes a little compromise goes a long way. For example, if your MIL wants to host a small family gathering in your home (but you’re not keen), maybe there’s a middle ground. Could it be hosted at her house instead, or could you offer to help with the planning? Learning when to stand your ground and when to bend a little will help you maintain peace without compromising on what’s important to you.

At the end of the day, your MIL doesn’t need to be the villain in your story. With a little patience, a lot of communication, and a united front with your partner, you can establish healthy boundaries that keep everyone happy—without giving up your own sense of autonomy. Just remember, your wedding, home, and marriage are yours to have—and it’s perfectly okay to set limits when necessary. Here’s to keeping the peace, while keeping your own sanity intact!

Lead image credit: IMDb

Also read: How to set boundaries with your toxic in-laws

Also read: Should you attend a friend’s wedding if you haven’t talked in over a year?