"I Just Knew That Marriage Couldn't Be My End Game, I Needed to Discover Myself First": Vaani Kapoor

Vaani Kapoor tells us about how she wants her to-be husband to be kind, respectful and share similar core values. Or how her face lights up when she discusses her desire to help others, and spread joy. This is Vaani Kapoor: authentic, content, and raring to make the most of her life.

Read this intimate conversation to learn more about what she truly wants in her future.

Brides Today: Did your sister’s marriage shape your views on the subject of marriage?

Vaani Kapoor: I felt that she skipped an entire phase of life because she married young, and I decided that I won’t follow the same path. I made up my mind to achieve something in life first. You know how business families can be...I think girls in Delhi tend to get married early. Of course, things are changing now. Luckily, my brother-in-law is a wonderful man, and my sister is very happy.

That said, I didn’t decide to work to get out of marriage. My parents were very supportive; they are very cool people, otherwise! But I just knew that marriage couldn’t be my end game; that I needed to discover myself first. And I think my parents also realised that, perhaps, it might have been too early for my sister to have gotten married as well. So they thought it best to let me prove my worth and do what I believed in. They backed my decision and put their faith in me. Living in a different city, all by myself, was not the kind of experience I had, growing up. My dad was super-strict, and I wasn’t even allowed to go on school trips. We always had somebody accompanying us, and we were never allowed sleepovers, even at a cousin’s home...forget at a friend’s. Of course, my friends could stay over at my place. But we followed a very strict routine, which was in complete contrast to how they allowed me to explore a completely different world in Mumbai, in my early 20s.

BT: So what are your views on marriage now?

VK: I believe one should marry when one is mentally prepared for it. You shouldn’t feel pressured because you are a certain age, or because your friends are settling down. I won’t say ‘yes’ unless I am 100 per cent sure of my decision, and I think I will know it when I am with the right person...I can’t marry just anyone because someone tells me to. I want to be in a solid relationship before settling down. I want to grow old with my person. I want to be absolutely sure.

BT: And what qualities would that person have?

VK: We need to share a connection, a spark, and be compatible. It is all about how two people click. Someone could be incredible, but not compatible with you. We could be great as individuals, but if we don’t connect over core values, we may never get along. So, I would look for someone I vibe with mentally and emotionally, and someone I share a similar belief system with. Of course, they need to be kind and a good person. Some people have that aura around them, they exude the right energy. You just know when you meet them. I hope my partner is passionate about life, about what he does, and he inspires me to be a better person. In turn, I would want to do the same for him.

BT: What is the most memorable wedding you have attended?

VK: My sister’s wedding was truly memorable, and I had such a blast! However, I barely attend weddings, and many of my friends are single. I don’t enjoy weddings because they are so formal, with too many people in attendance. It’s like one big display. I might change my view when I get married, but I’d much rather have an intimate celebration with a close-knit group of friends and family. I wouldn’t want something too grand; I’ll have a simple wedding but a pretty one. It will probably depend on how I feel at that point.

BT: And have you thought of what you would be wearing?

VK: I don’t think my mother has kept anything from her wedding, so it won’t be an heirloom piece. I think I’d want to have a typical desi, Indian look. I’d probably wear a traditional lehenga. I love pastel shades, but I could very well go with red or maroon. I can be flaky when it comes to colours. I love all colours, but I don’t think I’ll wear a black lehenga. I could wear white or a champagne shade, which I find very pretty.

BT: You are in such good shape, what are your diet and workout regimes like?

VK: The thing is, I love food, but when a project or song is in the pipeline, I get on a very strict diet and eat healthy. I don’t eat smaller portions, I just eat better. I am now a pescatarian, and I haven’t eaten chicken in a very long time for ethical reasons. It just doesn’t feel right. I eat good fats, food with high-fibre content, and drink lots of water. I drink two glasses of water, first thing in the morning, to flush out the toxins.

Working out is very important, and I make it a point to hit the gym. Many people think I love working out, but I don’t. I have to exercise for the profession I am in, and for the roles that require me to be in a certain shape. If a role doesn’t need it, I might happily not work out for a bit. But I do understand the importance of exercise for the years to come. If I don’t take care of my body today, I may have health issues in the future, because my parents face quite a few health problems. My sister and I decided to be more disciplined so that we don’t have to suffer the same. My advice is to follow what you enjoy and are comfortable with—weight training, cardio, strength training, or yoga. The same workout doesn’t work for all. And even if you can just devote 20 minutes a day to it, devote it. Go for an evening walk if you have to. Make it a habit; it will eventually become a part of your life and routine.

BT: Any beauty advice?

VK: I don’t remember the last time I went for a facial because I don’t like people touching my skin. However, I use a jade roller to help with lymphatic drainage because my face tends to get puffy and bloated. I use it to massage my face every day so that the excess water retention is drained out, and it also keeps the skin tight. In my field of work, one’s appearance matters a lot, so looking fresh is important. My advice would be to keep your skin clean. I can be very lazy and have to pull myself out of bed to wash my face at night. However, I have learnt the value of applying the right creams to avoid signs of ageing. Age gracefully, because everyone has to age, eventually. But take care of yourself. I always apply sunscreen after washing my face because my skin started getting pigmented due to sun exposure.

BT: What is your idea of self-care?

VK: You need to be calm and at peace mentally because everything will fall flat if your soul is not happy. You know what they say about thoughts becoming your reality? I truly believe in that. The more negatively you think, the more it traps you and your view of the world. It is as if you multiply that unhappiness sevenfold, so it is wiser to indulge in happy thoughts. Be genuinely grateful for the things you have, and you will end up attracting more of that. I spend time with the people I truly care about. And it gives me immense joy when I can do something for others, like my friends or my house help, for instance. It makes me genuinely happy when I can be of use to someone. I am not trying to sound righteous, I am a human being at the end of the day, and I have both good and bad days. However, I enjoy putting a smile on another person’s face.

BT: Are you a believer in the law of attraction?

VK: Yes, I believe in it. I believe in the Universe, and that what you send out—through your thoughts and energy—comes back to you. I have read The Secret and I listen to Dr Nair’s views on the subject. Your thoughts manifest your life, and that is who we become. We all have energy within us, and we attract a similar energy to ourselves.

Styled by Ayesha Amin Nigam and Shaurya Athley, Interview by Radhika Bhalla.