To the part-hesitant, part-curious soul in you: here’s what these Sex-ed creators have to say

For a long time now, we’ve lived in a lop-sided world that disallowed women to own sexual pleasure, making them hesitant, fearful, and unaware about sexual intimacy at large. Today, however, the tide appears to be turning. Women no longer seem willing to live in the shadows of doubt, unknown-ness and the awkwardness often associated with sexual intimacy. Instead, they’re taking centre stage in changing the conversation around female pleasure and more. But it’s hardly as easy as that. Having sex for for the first time, overcoming awkwardness, and exploring female pleasure can come with some hesitancy despite the changing conversations. So, we got these sex-ed content creators to share their best secrets about some common concerns. Read on. 

What should women know about sexual intimacy before their first time?

We’ll paint you a picture: Thinking about having sex for the first time is like trying to remember the banana demonstration at school, not being able to remember anything about sex-ed and trying to feel sexy all at the same time. For those women curious about their first time, here’s what you should know about sexual intimacy. 

Founder of the Taarini Foundation and content creator, Artika Singh, says, “I think what every person should know about sexual intimacy before their first time is that there’s no definition of what “perfect” sex is and it doesn’t matter if the first time is not mind blowing. In fact, for most people it will NOT be mind-blowing. So, let go of the pressure to “perform” a certain way, look a certain way or move a certain way during your first time and just go with the flow to explore what works best for you. Taking that pressure off in itself is a big guarantee towards a pleasurable experience.”

Content creator and founder of Unbound, Simran Balar Jain, says, “First and foremost, enthusiastic and informed consent, marked by clear and open communication with their partner, is crucial. Equally important is understanding safe sex practices and protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including knowledge of contraception methods such as condoms. Emotional readiness should be valued just as much as physical readiness, allowing individuals to engage in the experience when they feel comfortable and prepared.”

Intimacy and sex-ed creator, Khushboo Bist, says, “Women should understand that it's perfectly normal if they don't experience an orgasm during their first sexual encounter. Instead, they should focus on embracing the overall experience, prioritising intimacy, and nurturing a strong emotional connection with their partner. Remember, sex shouldn't be the ultimate goal, the experience itself should be the primary focus.”

How should one get rid of the awkwardness or fear that one might have?

Feeling awkward, hesitant or scared before your first time is more than normal. The awkwardness can be attributed to physical insecurities, getting intimate with someone for the first time, imagined expectations and more. Fret not, here’s some advice for you. 

“It’s natural to feel awkward and even scared during your first time. Take a deep breath, you’re not alone. A slow but effective way to get over the awkwardness is to communicate with your partner. Sex is intimate and requires you to be naked with another person—yes, physically, but also emotionally. Communicating honestly about your expectations, fears, likes, and dislikes is a great way and probably the only healthy way to get over the hill of awkwardness,” says Singh. 

According to Jain, “To ease awkwardness and fear during your first intimate experience, talk openly with your partner. Take your time; there's no need to rush. Learn about sex and anatomy to feel more confident. Try relaxation methods like deep breathing. If you feel overwhelmed, consider talking to a counsellor or therapist for guidance.”

“Emphasise the importance of foreplay, and if needed, kindly request your partner to focus more on it. Remember, there's no rush, sex is not a competition. Take your time and enjoy the journey, there's no need for comparison. Be patient and move at a pace that feels comfortable for both you and your partner,” says Bist. 

How should a woman who is having sex for the first time explore what feels good for her and own her pleasure? 

Now that you have rid yourself of the awkwardness of sexual intimacy and all its sneaky shenanigans, it might be the right time to explore different forms of pleasure and what feels best for you. There are many ways to own female pleasure. We tell you how. 

Singh says, “I highly recommend self-sexual exploration to be the first kind of sex you have even before you have sex with a partner. Touching yourself is not bad or shameful—it’s a foolproof way to know where you like being touched and how you like being touched. You can even share what you learn about yourself with your partner for maximum pleasure. Explore with your partner and then go ahead and collaborate on using different techniques on different pleasure zones to see what works for you all. Finally, learn about your body, the processes but also about pleasure, orgasms and other safer sex tips to put them into practice.”

“Discovering your pleasure and preferences takes time and self-awareness. Begin with healthy self-exploration through masturbation to understand your desires. Embrace your body and desires confidently without shame, valuing your pleasure as much as your partner's. Stay present during sexual encounters, focusing on sensations, and let go of self-consciousness. Patience is key; it may take time to understand your body fully. Prioritise your well-being, emotional comfort, and consent in your journey,” says Jain. 

“Begin by looking at yourself naked in the mirror. Familiarise yourself with your body, including your vulva if you feel comfortable doing so. Our bodies have various erogenous zones that can differ from person to person. These may include the ears, neck, lips, breasts, stomach, and, notably, the clitoris. Experiment with gentle touches and discover what arouses you. Don't judge yourself during this exploration. Be open-minded and receptive to the sensations you experience. Everyone's preferences are unique, and there's no right or wrong way to enjoy pleasure,” says Bist.