How to cope if the mother of the bride and groom don’t get along

High on emotion and energy, a joyous occasion such as a wedding can also bring to the fore the existing tension between family members. One of the most common challenges couples face is when the mother of the bride does not get along with the mother of the groom. Some common reasons for conflict include differences in opinion on wedding traditions and customs. Each family may have its own set of expectations, which can lead to friction. Another reason could simply be conflicting personalities that don’t mesh well. They could also have control issues as both could be territorial when it comes to being in charge of various aspects of the wedding to assert their importance, causing feelings of jealousy or competition between the two. 

We've put together this handy guide on how to navigate the delicate situation, keep things running smoothly and without any hiccups, and ensure that any past disagreements between them don’t spoil one of the most special days of your life. 

Problems and solutions 

Cultural or religious differences: If the families come from different cultural or religious backgrounds, there may be disagreements on how certain traditions should be incorporated. Address these differences well before the wedding and make a clear plan of action about how ceremonies will be handled to ensure no last-minute conflicts arise. Communicate your final decisions to both sets of parents beforehand to avoid last-minute surprises.

Getting ready: If both mothers are present while the bride and groom are getting dressed, they might disagree on styling choices, jewellery, or even something as simple as who gets more time with the couple. A way to go about this is by having them get ready separately and have a trusted bridesmaid or wedding coordinator who ensures that they remain apart until absolutely necessary.

Seating arrangements: If they already have an ongoing tiff, seating them too close together at the ceremony or reception can lead to discomfort. Resolve the matter by telling your wedding planner to assign seats strategically, placing them near people they get along with while ensuring they both have a good view.

Family photos: They may bicker about positioning in the family photos, or one may feel slighted if they aren’t given enough time with the couple. Tackle this problem by briefing the photographer in advance about the dynamics and having a planned photo schedule that ensures each mother gets equal importance.

Toasts and speeches: One mother might feel that the other is taking all the limelight during speeches or acting more involved than she actually was. Set clear time limits and plan in advance to let them know who will be speaking and when.

Hosting responsibilities: If both mothers are playing hostess, they may argue over who greets guests, organises seating, or even interacts with vendors. Assign clear roles ahead of time and ensure they each have something meaningful but separate to focus on.

How to handle such conflicts?

Since you and your partner will be busy enjoying your special day, address and resolve any potential conflicts by assigning a mediator (or even the wedding coordinator or planner) to diffuse any tension should any conflict arise between the two mothers Another way to navigate the situation is by giving each mother a special role that makes them feel involved without overlapping responsibilities. 

At the end of the day, your wedding is about celebrating your union, not managing family drama. While it’s understandable that emotions will likely run high, clear communication, setting boundaries, and having a solid conflict resolution plan can make all the difference. By preparing in advance and enlisting the right support system, you and your partner can ensure that the focus stays where it belongs—on your love and happiness as you begin this new chapter together.

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Also read: How to set boundaries with your toxic in-laws

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