Expert tips to prep your mind, body, and soul before your big day

Given the sheer number of recorded moments of the occasion, every bride and groom wants to look their best for their big day. So a pre-wedding beauty, fitness or diet regime is all part of the game. There are bridal packages galore to pick from. Though there arises a question: what about wellness packages? Dr Alaokika Motwane, a psychotherapist who works between Mumbai and Goa, truly wishes such deals went beyond aesthetics and looked at mental well-being as well.

“I wish people would start offering premarital counselling packages to remind the couple that the ceremony is a small part of their life, and what they really need to learn is ways to prepare themselves for the journey,” she says. “Things like adjustment issues and support come up even when wedding preparations are on, and there’s inevitable friction.”

The road to the final walk down the aisle is fraught with the stress of planning, disagreements, and anxiety over things going wrong and tensions beyond the couple’s control. It’s arguably among the toughest periods of a relationship, as families come together, and mentalities, choices, and temperaments clash. To counteract such negativity at a time meant to celebrate love and togetherness, one needs to get a support system in place, to navigate the uncharted territory for both parties.

“I’ve seen individuals go through sleepless nights and suffer other physical manifestations like stomach cramps, palpitations and frequent panic attacks,” adds Dr Vihan Sanyal, a Mumbai-based psychotherapist.

Madhurima Bose, a producer at Disney Star, points out that it’s all the more stressful when you’re planning it on your own—like she did. And for Ankita Singh, co-founder of Ilumi Diamonds and a former media producer, it was being excessively finicky over the details that drove her to her wit's end.

Finding calm in the chaos

Ask yourself: Is all the hoopla surrounding the wedding really worth jeopardising your mental health or relationship? Why not make your wedding something that fills you with joy when you remember it, not one loaded with regret and memories of unease and fear?

“What really helped me cope with all the stress was yoga and following a healthy diet,” says Bose. “Also, a lot of people would probably say the people around them helped. But honestly, it doesn’t! Everybody comes with their own set of opinions and ‘solutions’. It can get confusing, and in the end, you have to find what would work best for you on your own.”

For Singh, it was delegating that took some of the pressure off. “I finally learned that I should start entrusting things I needed done to others and not take on everything entirely on my own. Besides delegating, I also resorted to Anapana meditation,” she says, sharing other ways she kept her mind diverted as the big day approached. “I watched old movies, spent a lot of time with family and my pets, and made a lot of impromptu trips. I visited friends and cousins I hadn’t met in a while and holidayed with family. I attended gigs, had a lot of fun and simply put the wedding on the back burner to try not to get overwhelmed by it.”

While taking a step back from the madness is one way to ensure your sanity, partners ultimately need to remember that they’re marrying each other for a reason. “Believe in that reason and keep finding your way back to each other, even when it isn’t smooth and easy,” stresses Bose.

Patience with each other is pivotal. “(It) comes from a space of learning, love, understanding and support. Restrict external influences of extended family and friends to the minimum. Spend time understanding each other,” says Dr Sanyal, bringing us to…

Key to peace: communication

At the end of the day, it all boils down to communication, without which there’s bound to be problems before the marriage and well after.

“Open, calm communication is vital,” emphasises Dr Motwane. “Before the wedding, there can be so much sensitivity that it could resemble navigating through landmines. Sometimes, even when the couple is fine, external interference can put a strain on their relationship. And this is the kind of bitterness and negativity they’d want to avoid. When you look back, you’d want to remember all ceremonies with warmth and positivity.”

“Handle all confusions with communication. A third pair of eyes—it doesn’t have to be a counsellor—can add perspective when you can’t find a solution between the two of you. Just don’t be afraid to seek help—an outsider, unbiased point of view.

Give counselling a chance

Both Dr Sanyal and Dr Motwane believe that couples today are more aware and open to counselling, sometimes even when they aren’t facing any profound issues but wish to ensure a smoother path to their future.

“Currently, I’m helping five couples in premarital counselling and seven others individually. I’m glad to see premarital counselling catching up here; it’s already a popular concept in the West,” highlights Dr Sanyal. “Premarital counselling prepares couples for the days, weeks and even years ahead of them. It’s not just about de-stressing about the wedding, but also aids in taking the fear out of marriage because couples often worry about their future together, given the sheer number of unhappy, broken marriages around them. Counselling can set expectations right and help them learn that they are on the same team, not against each other.”

Advising on being more mindful before the nuptials, Dr Motwane says speaking with a specialist can fend off any ill feelings partners may develop over not getting to do something a certain way. “They can lay it all out and find a common ground,” she adds. “It all comes down to communication.”

And at the end of it all, hold onto the love and remember the reasons you decided to walk down the path in the first place.