How to politely say no to unexpected plus-ones at your wedding

Planning a wedding is no small feat. Between picking the venue, finalising the guest list, and making sure everything runs smoothly, there’s already enough on your plate. So when people start asking if they can bring a random date or a new partner you’ve never even met, it can put you in an awkward spot. Of course, you want to keep everyone happy, but at the same time, it’s your day, and you’re allowed to set boundaries that make sense for you. Whether it’s a distant cousin hoping to bring a plus-one or a friend assuming their situationship gets an automatic invite, knowing how to say no without causing drama is an essential wedding planning skill. The good news? It is possible to be polite and firm at the same time. Here’s how to handle those tricky conversations gracefully so you don’t end up with a guest list that looks nothing like what you had in mind.

Be clear from the start

The best way to avoid awkward "Can I bring my boyfriend?" texts is to be upfront on the invitation itself. If you’re only inviting a specific person, make sure the invite is addressed to them alone, with no mention of a plus-one. You can also add a polite note on your wedding website or RSVP card, such as "we kindly request no additional guests," to make things crystal clear. Setting expectations early saves you from difficult conversations later because people are far less likely to ask if they know where you stand from the beginning. It might feel a bit awkward to word it so directly, but trust that most people will appreciate the clarity—and it helps avoid any last-minute surprises that could throw off your carefully planned guest list.

Blame the venue (or budget)

If someone still asks to bring a guest, blaming external factors can really help soften the blow. You can say something like, "We’d love to have everyone, but our venue has strict limits on numbers," or "We’re working with a tight budget, so we’re keeping it intimate." Framing it this way takes the focus off you and makes it clear that it’s not a personal decision against them or their plus-one; it’s simply down to practical constraints. Most people will understand that weddings are expensive and venues have capacity limits, and by positioning it as something out of your hands, you’re less likely to hurt feelings. You could also mention that you're prioritising close family and friends to make sure everyone fits comfortably, which is a gentle way to remind them that it's a carefully thought-out guest list.

Framing it as a joint decision makes it sound more official and less like you’re being difficult or singling anyone out. Instead of saying, "I don’t want extra people there," which can feel personal, say something like, "We’ve decided to keep it just close friends and family." It shows that you and your partner are on the same page and have put thought into creating a meaningful and intimate day. Saying "we" also helps avoid unnecessary back-and-forth because it makes the decision feel final, not up for debate. Plus, it shifts the conversation from being about them to being about what works best for you as a couple, which is completely fair—after all, it’s your day, and people are usually more understanding when they see it as a choice made together, rather than one person laying down the law.

Be honest (but kind)

Sometimes, honesty really is the best policy—as long as it’s delivered with kindness and care. If someone insists on bringing a plus-one, a gentle but direct response like, "We’re really trying to keep the wedding small, and we hope you understand," can go a long way. People often appreciate when you’re upfront, especially if you explain that it’s nothing personal but simply about keeping the day intimate and manageable. You don’t need to over-explain or justify every detail—a simple, honest explanation said with warmth is enough. You could even add something like, "It was such a tough guest list to make, and we had to make a lot of difficult decisions," to show them that it wasn’t an easy call. As long as you keep the tone friendly and avoid sounding defensive, most people will respect that you’ve been transparent about your boundaries.

Lead image credits: IMDB

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