5 conversations you should have with your partner before getting married

When we think of finding “the one” and marrying them, it’s often this fantastical picture of falling madly in love and living a life that’s straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. If only it were that easy. It takes a lot of consistency, effort, and dedication to build a life with someone. Falling in love is the first step. It’s what comes after you’ve uttered those three small words that matter the most. While you can’t prevent or predict what curveballs life will throw at you, there are a few you can smoothen out, well in advance. Ideally, much before you’ll tie the knot. And to help you through this, we’ve listed down five crucial questions to ask your SO before you’ll decide to get married. 

Where would we live after getting married? 

One of the first questions to ask your partner before you’ll decide to get married is where would you’ll live. If you’re talking to your future husband, is he expecting you to move into his home with his family? Will you get your own apartment? Does your partner see you’ll move to another country immediately or in a few years? It’s crucial to be on the same page about these things before you’ll tie the knot.  

Do you want to have children? If yes, what are your parenting ideologies? 

While you’d assume that’s a given that you would discuss children before marrying someone, it doesn’t always happen. This is a very sensitive subject that requires a serious conversation. Not only should you talk about whether both of you’ll want children but also need to cover parenting strategies. If both of you’ll agree that you want children then bring up the following topics: How many children? Will they be day-schooled or will you admit them to a boarding school? How would you deal with disciplinary issues? What values (religious and otherwise) would you instill in your kids? Just asking them if they want kids is not enough. It needs to be a broader conversation. 

What are your long-term financial goals? 

We’ve always been taught that it’s impolite to talk about money matters. But all that goes out the window when you’re ready to make the biggest commitment there is. Finance is one of the biggest stress points for couples and that’s why getting on the same page is essential. Ask questions like—Do you have any debt? Will you be merging accounts? How would you manage expenses? What is their long-term savings plan? What will you do after retirement? All of this will affect your marriage so it’s better to agree on a financial plan before rather than be bombarded with information about your partner’s finances later.  

What would you consider deal-breakers?  

Sure, infidelity in all its forms is one of the biggest reasons couples split up. But it’s not the only reason. You need to ask your partner what are the non-negotiable aspects of your relationship. Whether it’s about their career goals, passion, or the way they want their kids to be raised. Knowing all this will give you a clear picture of your future and will kill all the possibility of bad surprises popping up later. 

How do you define intimacy? 

Sometimes partners have different notions about intimacy and sex. And it’s essential to have that conversation before getting married. You need to ask them what their expectations and fantasies are. What is their intimacy language? How many times on average do they see you’ll have sex? How would they react if you’ll ever go through a phase where you’ll aren’t having sex as much? How will they balance their time between their career and your relationship?